


Make Me Understand

by codenameagentsunlight



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3648057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenameagentsunlight/pseuds/codenameagentsunlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ever since I became Lancelot, I've trained so hard to get your approval, but no matter what I do you never praise me, you don't even look at me Julian" Roxy kept going calling the agent by his name. "You talk to everyone except me. I can't take it anymore. I want to know what I did to get you to be this way with me. At least give me a chance to fix what I did wrong before deciding that I don't exist to you"</p><p>"You can't fix it Roxanne" Julian said before moving so he was sitting at the edge of the bed his gaze down and his grip tight against the edge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Me Understand

Roxy didn't understand it at all.

She tried to make sense of it, but came up with nothing. There was no reason for all of this to be happening.

He had no reason to be this cold to her.

Roxy had dedicated this past year to doing nothing but trying to gain his approval, but no matter what she did, he never praised her. Never.  
It was soon going to be a year since the new Galahad and her had saved the world from Valentine, and nearly six months since the full recovery of Harry Hart and his ascend to the position of Arthur.

For the first couple of months Roxy thought that it was simply because of all the pressure that all the older agents were under to help reconstruct the world and she would have completely understood if that had been it.

But apparently it wasn't and that was the problem.

Her next theory had been that in reality that was just the way that Percival - her mentor - was around everyone in the Kingsman agency whether they were new agents, knights or techs. His usual stoic and cold self.

That wasn't it either. More often than not she would see him interacting with other agents around the training grounds and she would at least see him smile once in a while. With her it was like he only acknowledged her when and if really truly needed. Roxanne didn't exist to her mentor and that was a rather hard blow for the young Lancelot.

_"What did I do wrong? Did I ever say something that I shouldn't have?"_

Roxy spend more time thinking of the right answers to those questions more time than she was willing to admit she had. Headaches would follow the lengthy hours of thinking, wondering, trying to understand Percival's behavior.

While in training she had believe that if she gained the tittle of Lancelot that it would have made Percival proud. That he would at least properly congratulate her during her official announcement as Lancelot. But she had gotten nothing at all.

Gwain, Merlin, Kay, Tristan, they all had come up to her and congratulated her for prevailing over all the other candidates and earning her position among Kingsman's Knights. Everyone. Everyone but Percival.

Her room in headquarters remained silent except for her breathing, eyes closed letting her mind wander and analyze every single interaction that she had ever had with Percival since their first meeting.

_"Where did I go wrong?"_

Roxy's arm came to rest over her eyes trying to contain all the frustration and disappointment she had towards herself. She had messed up somewhere along the way and she wasn't even aware where that was. How was she supposed to fix it?

Now the only person whose opinion and approval really mattered to Roxanne didn't even give her the time of day or acknowledged her presence.

The silence was soon interrupted by a soft faint beeping coming from her Kingsman glasses. She took a breath in putting them on not even checking who the transmission was from.

"This is Lancelot" came her voice further breaking the silence trying to sound as normal and composed as currently possible.

_"Lancelot this is Merlin. Arthur has requested your presence in his office in five minutes. You have a mission"_

"Yes Merlin, I'll arrive shortly"

Tapping the side of her glasses to disconnect the transmission, Roxy stood up and walked to her closet. She had five minutes to make herself look absolutely presentable.  
She had decided on a light grey suit and a white shirt. Simple but elegant on her. Her hair up in a pony tail like it always was whenever she had to meet with another agent or Arthur himself.

_"three minutes to go"_

She took another look at herself before walking towards Arthur's office. Upon arriving at the door she stood up tall straightening out her suit before gently knocking on the door.

"Arthur, It's Lancelot" Her voice soft and composed as she had been trained to be

"Come in"

With delicate fingers Roxy turned the knob opening the door and walking in, Arthur was the only one in the office at the moment and she stood in front of his desk on the right side as she usually did.

"We are just waiting on your partner and I will give you both all the details needed for this mission" Harry said with a soft smile to Roxy.

"Sir..who is-"

Her question was cut off as another knock was heard and Harry looked up still smiling.

"Come in"

Roxy didn't turn to look at whoever entered the room simply stood and waited for the other agent to stand on her left side to get their mission.

"Sorry I am late Arthur, ran into Ector on the way here"

The voice made Roxy's blood run cold and all the color drain from her face as the steps got closer. She closed her eyes for a moment calming herself down. Harry wouldn't do this to her right, he was here for another reason and soon her partner was going to arrive.

"It's alright Percival, Lancelot just got here herself" Harry said gesturing both of them to take a seat.

With a quick glance to the side, Roxy saw that Percival didn't even turn to nod at her just kept looking straight ahead, and her gaze fell to her lap. She wasn't sure how much more of this she was going to be able to take. She desperately wanted to know why he was doing this to her.

"Lancelot?" Harry's voice interrupted her mind "Is everything alright?"

"Yes Arthur"

She felt Percival give her one of his cold once over before facing the front again as Arthur went over their mission. Roxy was trying to not fiddle too much or turn to look at Percival from her peripheral vision.

The mission itself seemed rather easy to complete. In and Out. They had to infiltrate and retrieve important information from a possible terrorist group in Athens. Percival was going to be the one behind the scenes and as back up while Lancelot was to be in charge of connecting Merlin to the database so he could retrieve the information and get a second team ready to finish their mission.

Lancelot and Percival were to be back two days after giving them just a few hours to rest before having to report back to headquarters and possibly get ready to be send out on another mission. Figuring that at some point they would be able to have a moment to talk even if it meant just talking in the plane.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Boy had Roxy been wrong. The plane ride was horrifying. By the time that Roxy had boarded and took a seat Percival had already been there.

_"Of course he would be. He likes being on time. Always"_

With a faint smile she had greeted him but got no response from him and deciding to leave it as is Roxy headed to the back room of the plane, taking out her headphones and blasting them as loud as she could and sat down on the floor. Her knees up against her chest trying to contain the tears that were threatening to fall down.

 _"Why? Why? What did I do wrong? What did I say?"_ Her mind rapidly send out question after question making the tears increase as they began to spill down her cheeks _"Why does he hate me? What did I do to get him to hate me?"_

Roxy hadn't even been aware when she had cried herself to sleep, only noticing when she was lightly shaken awake and her headphone were removed.

"We have arrived...Lancelot" Percival's cold voice and stare completely brought her back to the mission.

"Thank you Percival, I'll be out in a minute" Roxy responded as Percival walked out without another word. Roxy entered the bathroom in the plane fixing her hair and straightening out her suit, taking out her make up and fixing her eyes. She had to look normal, she hated when other's knew she had cried.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 _"Good job Percival, you too Lancelot"_ Merlin's voice rang in both of their ears as they made it to the get away car and started getting driven to the hotel.

"Thank You Merlin" Roxy smiled but it soon faded as she sat across from her mentor who did nothing but look out the window, acting like he was alone in the car. They had to make one more appearance before heading back to HQ so they needed their sleep.

Roxy counted down the seconds until they were back in the hotel. The elevator ride like any other common space they had shared was filled with uncomfortable silence as her gaze remained on the display showing them the floor they were in and Roxy felt like she could breath again once the 'Ding' announced they were in theirs.

They parted ways without another word and Roxy let herself fall down face first on the bed trying to bury all the emotions that were threatening to come out. Taking a breath in she got up and grabbed a change of clothes she had brought with her deciding to take a shower.

The water nice and warm against her skin as she washed off. Her mind thinking like it always did as she rinsed her hair. It wasn't long before she was out and drying her body and wrapped her hair in a towel while she changed into the new outfit. A light blue shirt with jeans.

It was only a few more minutes before she sat in one of the chairs that the hotel provided, she grabbed her glasses turning them on and waiting for a reply.

_"Merlin speaking"_

"Hey Merlin it's Roxy"

_"What is it Roxy? Did you forget to report something?"_

"Not that's not it. I...I needed to ask you a question" the hesitation was obvious in her voice trying to get the words out.

_"What's on your mind child?"_

"Do you know why Percival treats me differently? What did I ever do to him?"

There was silence for a minute or two and Roxy began walking around her hotel room not being able to stay still. She had never really talked to anyone about the way that Percival made her feel with his actions and it was harder than she had imagined specially when she wasn't getting an answer.

_"He doesn't treat you differently Roxy it-"_

"Merlin he won't even look at me. When we were getting our mission it was like I didn't exist. In the plane he didn't even acknowledge my presence. In the get away car it was like he was alone. I don't exist for him. He hates me"

_"Roxy, he doesn't hate you, he treats every new recruit the same way"_

"Bullshit" Roxy said into the transmission not even caring that she was cursing and at Merlin of all people. "He talks and laughs with Eggsy like its no big deal but with me I don't even exist. I am tired of this"

Roxy walked to the door determined to get her answers even if it meant having to confront her mentor. She couldn't keep letting her mind wander and discourage her. The hotel door slammed loud enough behind her that Merlin hear it.

_"Roxy! Roxanne! what are you doing?"_

"I am getting the answers that I deserve. I am done forcing myself not to cry and I am done not knowing why I can't get his approval. Why isn't he proud of me. Bye Merlin"

She didn't allow Merlin to get another word in as she disconnected the transmission, and closed the distance between her door and Percival's. Taking a breath in she knocked three times and waited for her mentor to open the door.

The door opened after what seemed like an eternity for Roxy and there stood her mentor in a white shirt and jeans, hair damped obviously having gotten out of the shower himself and looked at her with surprise in her eyes.

"Roxanne" his voice not showing any surprise but as cold and collected as always "What are you doing here? You should be resting for tomorrow."

"We need to talk" Roxy said as she pushed her way inside and stood in the middle of the room.

"I am sure whatever it is can wait for when we get to headquarters the day after tomorrow, we both need to rest, tomorrow morning is a rather long day"

"No"

"No?"

"I am not going to wait to get to headquarters because then you are just going to ignore me the way you always do." Roxy's voice was raising in volume as she tried to hold back the tears of anger that she felt coming. Percival closed the door but kept her distance from the younger agent.

This seemed important enough to her that she was shouting at an older agent, the one that proposed her for her current position at that. Giving her a small nod as a sign to continue Percival slowly closed the distance between them until he was standing three feet from the younger.

"Ever since I became Lancelot, I've trained so hard to get your approval, but no matter what I do you never praise me, you don't even look at me Julian" Roxy kept going calling the agent by his name. "You talk to everyone except me. I can't take it anymore. I want to know what I did to get you to be this way with me. At least give me a chance to fix what I did wrong before deciding that I don't exist to you"

"You can't fix it Roxanne" Julian said before moving so he was sitting at the edge of the bed his gaze down and his grip tight against the edge.

"Why not? Was it that bad? What did I do, please I want to understand what I did wrong" Roxy moved so she was now sitting next to her mentor on the bed a few tears in her eyes ready to fall any second. "Please"

"The day before I proposed you Roxanne" Julian fell silence for a few moments and that's when Roxy noticed the tears that were falling leaving the darkened spots on his jeans. "we had lost our previous Lancelot"

She didn't interrupt as she moved closer to her mentor. Her own tears growing but not out of anger but out of sadness for the pain she could hear in his voice. Roxy could tell that this was hard on him.

"I lost my partner, my best friend" Julian couldn't help but let the tears keep falling as he kept looking down one of his hands reaching to wipe his eyes. "and I am sorry"

Roxy was taken aback for a second. Percival apologized. In all the stories she had heard about her mentor and his time at Kingsman not once had she known him to apologize to anyone about anything.

"Julian I-"

"I am sorry that I have been treating you this way Roxanne. Its just...whenever I see you, its a harsh reminder that the Lancelot I knew is never coming back. That he is really gone"

At that Julian couldn't hold it in and started sobbing as all the memories he had shared with the previous Lancelot came rushing at him. The tears just kept falling as his cries echoed in the small hotel room. Roxy wrapped her arms around him letting him cry out.

The minutes passed as Roxy help him letting her usually stoic mentor cry and grieve as much as he needed. She had been wrong to assume it was all about her. But now at least she knew.

She finally knew why he was the way he was with her.

How hard it has had to be for him to pretend to be alright around her.

Roxy now understood.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to thank everyone at the Kingsquad chat for bringing this idea to my mind. And of course everyone else reading this. If you want to suggest any kingsman prompt just message me in tumblr at code-name-agent-sunlight. Thank you so much for reading.


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